Casita Mills' Favorite Strategies
Back when it was just my husband and me, life was easier. Two calendars to sync, two people to feed, two sets of opinions to manage, and only two people’s executive-function quirks to work around.
Then came our two tiny humans, and suddenly the whole system I thought we had figured out looked completely different.
Here’s where I share some of the tricks that have actually helped us along the way because, around our house, we aspire to work smarter, not harder.
Understanding Your Partner
For years, I vented to my friend Lisa about what she eventually just started calling our “perpetual problem”: laundry. A few years ago, I hit my limit, working a very full-time job and running the household, and it became clear we'd never actually sat down and figured out who was in charge of what. So I kept venting. Over and over. About laundry. Lisa finally named it for what it was.
I was pretty sure laundry was going to be the end of me. I genuinely couldn’t understand why my husband couldn’t just help me with a load. And look, I know this next part might sound like I’m making excuses for him, but if you know him, you know he is an incredibly hands-on dad and husband. Even with a very demanding job, he has always made being present for our family a priority. We really do run as a total team...
Except, apparently, when it came to laundry.
So one night at dinner, I actually listened. Like really listened, instead of just waiting for my turn to talk. And what I heard surprised me. Turns out my executive function runs on overdrive; I've got a running list in my head at all times, which is also why I don't really have hobbies (kidding, sort of). But hearing him walk through how all the steps of laundry felt to him, I realized: this was never about him not wanting to help. It was about playing to our actual strengths.
So we made a switch. I took over laundry for good, no resentment, no scorekeeping. And he took over groceries and cooking (when his schedule allows), which, turns out, he actually loves. Win-win.
And I'll admit, I'm not totally innocent in all of this either. That same executive function running on overdrive meant I was also trying to control everything and have it all done my way, which, looking back, I can absolutely see how that would frustrate the person trying to help. So I've worked on letting things just be okay as long as they get done. Turns out that mindset shift has helped with our kids too. We want them to grow into independent people with real autonomy, which means letting them do things to their own standard, not mine. And now? I'm actually okay with that.
So as your family continues to grow and evolve, I invite you to have an honest conversation with your partner and play to each other's strengths.
Words Matter Around Here
We hear the phrase “words matter” thrown around a lot, but it’s easy to forget just how much kids are always listening. Even when they can’t fully express their own thoughts and feelings yet, they’re internalizing everything we say.
So, for us, choosing our words carefully with our kids has always mattered a lot. It’s important to us not to talk about adult things around them, and we try to prioritize TV shows that are actually developmentally appropriate for them to understand and process.
Most importantly, we make a point to never talk about our kids negatively in front of them or to other people, even when we assume they aren’t listening (because they are ALWAYS listening). When we’re correcting behavior, we try not to use language that plants a negative narrative in their heads. Instead, we make a point to remind them of who they are.
We also talk about our family as a unit. “Somos un equipo,” which means “we are a team.” “Nuestra familia” means “our family.” We treat our home the same way. It’s “nuestra casa,” which means “our house.” “Todos tenemos que cuidarla” means “we all have to take care of it.” This has really seemed to resonate with our kids.
We’ve also learned that our two kids sometimes need things said to them differently, so we don’t necessarily communicate the same way with both of them. At the end of the day, what matters most to us is that they keep growing, learning, and thriving.
And, like every other family, we’re learning as we go and making plenty of mistakes. When we’ve said something unkind to our kids or lost our cool, we apologize to them. We acknowledge that we’re not perfect, and neither are they. It’s actually been pretty great to see our kids apologize to us too once they’ve had a chance to cool down, especially when they realize they used unkind words.
That, to me, is what it’s all about: keeping the communication lines open, being able to say I’m sorry, and always growing toward being better humans.
Clean Up Clock
Last year, I decided to start my own consulting business, which naturally gave me a lot more balance in our household, and it honestly did wonders.
But eventually, I hit my limit again.
I felt like I would spend my time organizing and keeping the house together, only for my three other housemates to walk through the door and make it look like the Tasmanian Devil had just come through.
I told my husband it was starting to feel disrespectful. He really heard me, and when he put himself in my shoes, he admitted he would feel the exact same way. He’s actually told me before that sometimes he just doesn’t see the mess, whereas I see all of it. Always.
Anyway, the next day I came home and my husband had bought a timer. He called the kids downstairs and introduced what he was calling our new household system: CLEAN UP CLOCK.
Every afternoon before bed, he and the kids set the timer for seven minutes, and their job is to clean up whatever mess they made that day.
I cannot stress enough how incredible this system has been.
I think what made it work almost instantly is that the kids see my husband cleaning up right alongside them. It also helps that seven minutes feels completely manageable. The expectation is simple, everyone knows what they’re supposed to do, and there’s an actual end in sight.
The kids do it every single night. No fighting. No arguing. It’s just part of our routine now.
And me? I get to sit back and watch.
Limited Screen Time
When our son was in kindergarten, we had a big "aha" moment as a family.
At the time, we let the kids watch about 20 minutes of TV after they took a bath and brushed their teeth before bed. It seemed harmless enough, but as they got older and our afternoons filled up with more activities, that little window of time started getting smaller and smaller.
I found myself rushing around trying to make sure we squeezed in those 20 minutes of TV before bedtime. And honestly, it started to wear us all out.
So we decided to cut out technology completely during the school week.
And honestly? It was magical.
Once TV was no longer an option during the week, there was nothing to argue about. We weren’t constantly negotiating whether they could watch something or how much time they had left. It also helped us realize that screen time right before bed wasn’t necessarily helping anyone wind down anyway.
We still have this rule!
The kids can watch TV and play Nintendo or PlayStation on Friday afternoons and throughout the weekend. We also don’t let them turn on electronics before 8:30 a.m. on the weekends because we realized pretty quickly that they were waking up way too early just to get to them.
Now they know that, no matter what, electronics simply aren’t an option before 8:30 a.m.. So instead, they might sleep a little longer, come downstairs and play a board game together, color, read, or just figure out what to do with themselves. These days, you can often find our son in the backyard early in the morning playing soccer!
Sometimes taking away the choice entirely makes everything so much easier. They’ve also learned how to be bored, which I think is a pretty valuable skill in itself.
There’s no negotiating, no “just five more minutes,” and no rushing around trying to fit screen time into an already busy day.
It’s just our routine, and it works for us.
The Hard Part
I don’t want to make it sound like navigating limited screen time has always been easy. It hasn’t.
Our kids don’t have iPads, and we’re pretty selective about the games we let them play on the PlayStation. We also don’t allow YouTube, aside from the soccer replay videos our son likes to watch.
This can definitely be challenging when other families have completely different rules. There have been moments when we’ve worried about our son feeling like he’s the “uncool” one because he can’t play or watch the same things his friends can.
For us, it’s been about finding that balance between not wanting our kids to feel left out and still being comfortable holding our ground when it comes to what we believe works best for our family.
One thing that has been really helpful is simply having conversations with other families about our screen time rules. We’ve been really lucky that the families our kids spend time with have been respectful of our choices and have even helped us maintain those boundaries when our kids are at their houses.
We know that every family does things differently, and we certainly don’t think our way is the only way. These are just the boundaries around screens that have worked for our family!
Consistency Is the Name of the Game
Above all, I think we all want to feel like we belong and that we are safe. When we think about safety for our kids, we often think about physical safety first, but emotional safety is just as important.
One of the biggest ways we’ve learned to create that sense of emotional safety for our kids is through consistent routines and expectations.
For example, in our house, we really prioritize rest and sleep. It is so important for all of us to get enough sleep at night because, quite frankly, none of us functions very well without it. I am personally not the same person when I don’t get enough sleep, so from the time our kids were babies, we prioritized having consistent nap and nighttime routines.
The more successful we were at that, the faster we got to our own time to relax and recharge. In a lot of ways, this priority came from recognizing our own needs as adults. SLEEP. We needed it too!
Our nighttime routine looks pretty much the same every day of the week, including weekends. There is a clear order of steps that has become a habit for our kids. They know they need to shower, brush their teeth, read a book or play a board game or card game with us, and then it’s lights out.
Their bedtimes have also always been a little earlier than some of the other kids we know. This used to be a tiny issue when our kids would look out the window and see neighborhood kids still playing on our swing while they were getting ready for bed.
We’ve always reminded them that every family does things differently. In our house, these are our rules because this is what works best for our family.
And now? They don’t even think twice about it.
They can see the other kids playing outside their windows and it doesn’t bother them. They know what to expect, they know what comes next, and they know that our routines aren’t going to change just because someone else’s might look different.
I think that consistency has given all of us a little more peace.
The same goes for our morning routines. They are ALWAYS the same. There is a predictable order to how we start our day, and our kids know exactly what is expected of them before they head out the door.
For us, that predictability has made a huge difference. There is less negotiating, less rushing around, and fewer decisions for everyone to make first thing in the morning. The kids know what comes next, and we know what to expect from them.
It may sound simple, but those little routines have become some of the things that keep our household running.
.